(120107 21:43)

deadweight
-
you are a burden i have become accustomed to carrying.
to let you go is to lose a kite,
so i leave you tangled in the branches, barren, and
frustrated at the fruitlessness you cannot identify
if i keep up my denial.
i alone am
the sum of my selfishness. you struggle
in the tree but i cannot walk
away, not because i want you.
i make my excuses to the passerbys.
they wait, they ignore, or they do not heed and
i wonder if they see the whiteness of my words.
admission is a labour
and i silently delay my guilt.
-
i am unable to miss you.
i am scared of the wind.
i do not feel when i am with you.
-
moments and minutes and distant sirens and
apologies and regrets and promises and
excuses and awareness.
-
i hate your silences i do not laugh at your jokes.
i want to forget your embrace and
your form. i am ashamed of my embarrassment.
i am ashamed -
-
of you, for you;
Of me, for you.
-
And i am sorry, I really am.